My FAMILY Away from Home

Last Saturday I fought the urge to go home in the province and there I spent my weekend nights ALONE in the staff house which is so depressing and triggered "homesick syndrome". I've never miss my family this much, maybe because I can't be with them like what we usually do during weekend family day.

On the other hand, what made yesterday (June 28, 2015) so special is because I got to finally meet Maricon a.k.a Tieria Erde. She's a friend I came to know through text during my HS days though we haven't heard about each other our meet up was warm and comfortable, it's like we're not strangers. Kimchi was with us, the three of us start our day by attending the mass. That's my personal favorite part of our Sunday get away, God as the enter of our friendship. That very moment I didn't felt alone, like I have a newly-found family in the form of Kimchi and Maricon. It was a nice and unforgettable experience I'm telling you, I rode the MRT for the very first time with them, ate heavy lunch at Greenwich (where me and Con finshished our plate clean >.< haha dinaig pa namin si Kimchi given that he's a guy). After eating lunch and a lot of chit-chat we decided to watch "San Andreas" basically to scare ourselves about the possible earthquake that might occur as well here in Manila, I'm holding my breathe during the action-packed scenes but at the end of the movie the homily I heard swept off all my fears, with GOD I felt secured and safe. After the movie we went to see the  'seaside', it's pretty dehydrating since the sun is still at full blast but everyone on the ground don't mind as they enjoy the scene, the flashing waves and the conversations they shared with their love ones, it's like I've seen the real "FUN UNDER THE SETTING SUN".

"One day was not enough", I said and both of them agreed. We can't get enough so we promise to see each other some time in the future. 

I enjoyed all these things with my so-called family away from home :)))

Till my next post, Ciao~

Away from Home

So today is my 10th day of working and being independent. One word to describe everything that I've been through "EXHAUSTING", kidding aside it's what I ask for so serves me right >_<.

I've been trying so hard to adapt to the sudden change of environment plus getting along with the people around me is a major task. For example at home (I mean in the staff house) we were five in there but it feels like I'm living alone haha just when I thought we were getting along, one moment the harsh reality that "we're still strangers" was being slapped into my face. Being alone is something I fear about but it looks like I have to get used to it :)

Now getting to what this post is really all about... I MISS HOME!!! my Dad, Mom, two siblings, Ate Flor and of course dogpuppy! TBH, I just wanna fly home but there were things that restricts me from doing so. I wonder if I made the right decision, tons of what ifs kept bugging me, well it was just my second week so I'm still at the verge of adjusting...we'll see what I'm up to in the future ^^,


Ciao~
P.s this weekend I'm not going home, poor me T^T

Hopeless Romantic

Just finished watching Love, Rosie...after seeing the movie I realized how hopeless romantic I am well for goodness sake we all want a sappy happy ending kind of relationship. It's human nature to crave for love and affection, someone you can call MINE and mine alone.

The story talks about two best friends, cliche right? But what made it different is, the timing for their unspoken love was always wrong. Blame those what ifs! They're scared and all, to the point of getting into relationship with somebody else, let's be prank...not being with the one you truly love is the worst feeling ever!!! Like the world stop from spinning around and all you could think about is, "my life's all FUCKED UP!"

Newsflash! any relationship won't moved into next stage unless someone had spoken about his/her undying love, CONFESSIONS may I say... Easily said than done right? Actually what made it soooo difficult to admit our feelings is our fear of 'rejection' that in an instant even the friendship can't be saved. Let me tell you something, leave those fears behind and just tell him/her how you feel before it is too late for both of you. The secret behind a successful declaration of love is not expecting something in return and that's what will make a difference.

I once fell in love with my best friend, it's just a puppy love and we didn't end up together. You ask why? Let's just say mine was one of those 'one-sided' love. When you love, you became selfish and selfless at the same time. Don't feel sorry for me, k? Truth be told I'm completely over him and right now I'm just so happy that he did not turned out to be one of those playboys.

I'm not broken or something, but I do believe that someday someone will come and prove that forever exists. Cheesy much? well that's me, definitely hopeless romantic.

That's it for now, till then...

Jaa~~~

Day 53

I keep asking myself why am I still UNEMPLOYED...

As days passed by my frustrations are piling up, while my batch mates are getting employed here I am lazying out at home. It's not like I'm not doing anything actually I already submit a couple of applications unfortunately they seem unimpressed with my credentials. I would like to get out of my comfort zone and look for a job far away from home, manila perhaps but my plans were hindered by my parents due to some safety issue. I sucked big time, like I can't do anything on my own I did wait for an opportunity to come but for how long? My momentum was declining, my drive to look for a job faltered, well who won't? when all you can get was discouragement and rejection.

I'm stuck between waiting and wanting to get employed already which made me more depressed. *sigh* I'm confused as well, whether to start moving or wait until something happened.



OH GOD! Please guide me

Back at One

I entitled this post "Back at One" why?

For the nth time I'm starting all over again, my journey towards God I mean. Coz as you know, humans would probably get lost. In my case I got lost in a place called SIN, it was so dark in there full of needs you have to satisfy at all cost... I've been a prisoner of lust, I'm craving for things that I know were forbidden and as I commit myself to this earthly desires I fell into what they called as temptations.

Lack of time talking with God made me weak, my guilt for committing such sin started to eat the fire in me. I can't face HIM, repentance is something I'm not yet ready for all I could ever think of is...

...am I worthy of His forgiveness? If the next day I'd be doing the same mistake. I got tired of my own selfish drives that I fear God might be feeling the same thing. I felt pathetic and dirty, and talking to a Holy God is something I can't do not until today came.

After I don't know how long at last I opened and read the Bible and there it talks about forgiveness, that no matter how many times I commit sins God will be there ready to forgive me as long as I repent sincerely.

And I do! one of the reasons why I can't say say a single 'sorry', it's because I can't find the will to do so. But now, on my knees I regret every single sin I committed. I ask for forgiveness and there's this peace that comes within.

I may fall into temptations again but this time, I pray that God lend me strength to resist and win this battle together with Him.

Luke 17

So This is HEARTACHE

Two words to describe what I'm feeling right now, pained and lonely. That night should not happened, if only I fought hard not to confess.

He's not the tall, dark and handsome type... He's more of the tall, timid and 'mabait' type of guy, he is so nice you'll most likely misinterpret his actions. My friend once said, "hindi ka naman siguro magiging mabait sa taong HINDI mo gusto." I hold onto that which eventually cause me to fall harder. I won't blame him though partly it's his fault, I'm at fault too kung hindi sana ako 'umasa' at 'nag-assume' things will be a lot easier, maybe we're still friends sharing each others pain and laughter.

I want answers, if my love can reach him...unfortunately he can't see me as a grown up woman. Why life can be so unfair?! Just because we're 11 years apart, is that enough reason to reject my feelings? Masakit!!! I thought age doesn't matter could be TRUE but it's just my imagination...it DO matters!

There's nothing left to bleed, my heart can't take this anymore...

I woke up from a wonderful dream now I'm about to face the cruel reality where you and me don't exists.

Crushes

[Oh well it's been a while since I had my last crush, the last time I showed my affection was with Exo's BAEKHYUN and that was so last year which ended that same year coz of "dating issues" (bitter much?) Right now, again my  heart beats in an erratic manner because of this two music artist.


TAKAHIRO MORITA

He's One Ok Rock's vocalist, they're music screams of metal rock which I'm not very fond of until I heard him sing. Words are not enough to explain how wonderful his voice is (eargasm), it's not the typical husky voice actually it's very versatile. See it for yourself!

Each time he's so into the music was just...MESMERIZING ~_~ I could watch his performance all day without getting tired of it >///<

He's unique! He's the only one I've seen who made the most wacky shots ever. For an artist who protects and maintain a perfect image, he's an EXCEPTION. No matter how horrible he looks like, well I admit he is not that handsome but there's more to it than just good looks. I'll still bet for him ^^,

TAKALICIOUS~~~





KIM HEECHUL

The "King of Vanity" >;D what an introduction. After seeing one of his variety show, WGM I've developed certain interest in him. Beside his good looks he is also witty which is very admirable for someone like me who falls for a guy who speaks intelligently or full of sense plus his quirkiness and sense of humor adds more to his charm.

He is more of a pretty face to me, (sorry oppa ^^,) though in WGM he shows how manly he is geez "kinikilig" na naman ako >///<

Because of my sudden liking for this guy I watched SuJu's previous music videos only to find out that he is not that good of a performer. I keep an eye on him on each performance but he'll always be out of my sight one moment later. I don't know, but I guessed the camera intentionally hides him *face palm* haha

Despite his shortcomings I won't doubt how he made it into showbiz industry, honestly speaking he have what it takes to survive in the industry and that is CHARM... regardless of his poor dancing skill he can still put a smile in his fans' faces and I think that should be enough.

CHERRY OPPA~~~ ]