Mistakes, Regrets, Acceptance = Lesson Learned

All my life I had a hard time making decisions for myself, it's like I always need someone's approval or better yet if there's someone who could decide for my sake instead. I can't help it! It's much easier that way T^T

I've grown dependent to my mom, like what the saying goes “Mothers knows best…” so I rely on her most of the time to the point that I can no longer get out of her shadow. I tend to go with the flow enduring the results I know deep inside I’m against with. As a young adult it’s a shame that for two decades of my existence I still can’t rationalize and make wise decisions, newsflash! Just when I thought I was able to make my own path it turns out my choice was not the best for me. I was driven by desperation and frustration which made me grabbed whatever is available just to ease my anxiety [unaware that it will only lasts for a short period of time]. I sucked big time! I learned that you’re the one who creates your destiny by choosing which path to take, no SIGN can help you decide especially if you mistook some unusual circumstances as God’s way of saying “Go for it, this is your GO signal.”

I realized things would be much easier to handle and carry out if and only if you know what your heart truly desires. Unfortunately I don’t have that in me, my own heart won’t even speak to me the heck! All I know is that it aches just in time when things turns out the other way around then realization hits me, “What a huge mistake!” Last thing I know regret comes flooding in and drowns me until I can’t breathe [I’m not happy anymore]

What if I waited a little longer? what if I did not accept this job? what if I had gone through exam and interview invitations? Tons of what ifs, but I can't take back what has been done and I only have one chance which I already wasted. What's left to me now is make the most of what I have and don't let all my parent's sacrifices go to waste. I'll face the consequences of my actions, probably the most mature thing I can do for NOW.

Even though opportunities flew away from my grasps I'll make this experience a lesson learned. After all we learn from our own mistakes, right? :)

Before I end this entry I'll leave something hoping someone out there who's in the same situation as I did can read this and somehow can be of help to him/her...

"Never settle for less, don't JUST grab/commit yourself to something out of desperation/frustration. I'm telling you when long-awaited opportunity knocks, it'll be all worth it :) so keep waiting and be patient."

Picture Perfect

Camera 360...

VSCO Cam...

And all those other trending photo editor.

These apps were made available in just one click, you can beautify any photo by cropping, filtering, focusing, just name it anything is possible. 

Now redirecting to why I'm typing this post, it made me realized that a single enhanced photo can mean so much that even though just for a matter of one second shutter everything seemed RIGHT, FLAWLESS and just PERFECTION. I envy those who are good at this 'cos if you'll ask me I sucked! I'm not that creative and photogenic. To make it simpler I'm just not very fond of taking pictures then edit it for the sake of posting at some social media site. I'm more of an observant/browser/stalker type of netizen haha, I love looking at those pretty pictures of scenery, food, OOTD, etc. I don't know the ones who posted it personally but by seeing their posts it's like I got a glimpse of what their private made public lifestyle is. "Showing-off" others might say but for me, I treat it as a form of art and entertainment... By mere editing your photos you're already unleashing your creative side and by posting it on web you're sharing not just a simple photo but as well as the experience that photo entails.

All those taken pictures are really for keeps for in that very moment you captured something MEMORABLE ^^,

My FAMILY Away from Home

Last Saturday I fought the urge to go home in the province and there I spent my weekend nights ALONE in the staff house which is so depressing and triggered "homesick syndrome". I've never miss my family this much, maybe because I can't be with them like what we usually do during weekend family day.

On the other hand, what made yesterday (June 28, 2015) so special is because I got to finally meet Maricon a.k.a Tieria Erde. She's a friend I came to know through text during my HS days though we haven't heard about each other our meet up was warm and comfortable, it's like we're not strangers. Kimchi was with us, the three of us start our day by attending the mass. That's my personal favorite part of our Sunday get away, God as the enter of our friendship. That very moment I didn't felt alone, like I have a newly-found family in the form of Kimchi and Maricon. It was a nice and unforgettable experience I'm telling you, I rode the MRT for the very first time with them, ate heavy lunch at Greenwich (where me and Con finshished our plate clean >.< haha dinaig pa namin si Kimchi given that he's a guy). After eating lunch and a lot of chit-chat we decided to watch "San Andreas" basically to scare ourselves about the possible earthquake that might occur as well here in Manila, I'm holding my breathe during the action-packed scenes but at the end of the movie the homily I heard swept off all my fears, with GOD I felt secured and safe. After the movie we went to see the  'seaside', it's pretty dehydrating since the sun is still at full blast but everyone on the ground don't mind as they enjoy the scene, the flashing waves and the conversations they shared with their love ones, it's like I've seen the real "FUN UNDER THE SETTING SUN".

"One day was not enough", I said and both of them agreed. We can't get enough so we promise to see each other some time in the future. 

I enjoyed all these things with my so-called family away from home :)))

Till my next post, Ciao~

Away from Home

So today is my 10th day of working and being independent. One word to describe everything that I've been through "EXHAUSTING", kidding aside it's what I ask for so serves me right >_<.

I've been trying so hard to adapt to the sudden change of environment plus getting along with the people around me is a major task. For example at home (I mean in the staff house) we were five in there but it feels like I'm living alone haha just when I thought we were getting along, one moment the harsh reality that "we're still strangers" was being slapped into my face. Being alone is something I fear about but it looks like I have to get used to it :)

Now getting to what this post is really all about... I MISS HOME!!! my Dad, Mom, two siblings, Ate Flor and of course dogpuppy! TBH, I just wanna fly home but there were things that restricts me from doing so. I wonder if I made the right decision, tons of what ifs kept bugging me, well it was just my second week so I'm still at the verge of adjusting...we'll see what I'm up to in the future ^^,


Ciao~
P.s this weekend I'm not going home, poor me T^T

Hopeless Romantic

Just finished watching Love, Rosie...after seeing the movie I realized how hopeless romantic I am well for goodness sake we all want a sappy happy ending kind of relationship. It's human nature to crave for love and affection, someone you can call MINE and mine alone.

The story talks about two best friends, cliche right? But what made it different is, the timing for their unspoken love was always wrong. Blame those what ifs! They're scared and all, to the point of getting into relationship with somebody else, let's be prank...not being with the one you truly love is the worst feeling ever!!! Like the world stop from spinning around and all you could think about is, "my life's all FUCKED UP!"

Newsflash! any relationship won't moved into next stage unless someone had spoken about his/her undying love, CONFESSIONS may I say... Easily said than done right? Actually what made it soooo difficult to admit our feelings is our fear of 'rejection' that in an instant even the friendship can't be saved. Let me tell you something, leave those fears behind and just tell him/her how you feel before it is too late for both of you. The secret behind a successful declaration of love is not expecting something in return and that's what will make a difference.

I once fell in love with my best friend, it's just a puppy love and we didn't end up together. You ask why? Let's just say mine was one of those 'one-sided' love. When you love, you became selfish and selfless at the same time. Don't feel sorry for me, k? Truth be told I'm completely over him and right now I'm just so happy that he did not turned out to be one of those playboys.

I'm not broken or something, but I do believe that someday someone will come and prove that forever exists. Cheesy much? well that's me, definitely hopeless romantic.

That's it for now, till then...

Jaa~~~

Day 53

I keep asking myself why am I still UNEMPLOYED...

As days passed by my frustrations are piling up, while my batch mates are getting employed here I am lazying out at home. It's not like I'm not doing anything actually I already submit a couple of applications unfortunately they seem unimpressed with my credentials. I would like to get out of my comfort zone and look for a job far away from home, manila perhaps but my plans were hindered by my parents due to some safety issue. I sucked big time, like I can't do anything on my own I did wait for an opportunity to come but for how long? My momentum was declining, my drive to look for a job faltered, well who won't? when all you can get was discouragement and rejection.

I'm stuck between waiting and wanting to get employed already which made me more depressed. *sigh* I'm confused as well, whether to start moving or wait until something happened.



OH GOD! Please guide me

Back at One

I entitled this post "Back at One" why?

For the nth time I'm starting all over again, my journey towards God I mean. Coz as you know, humans would probably get lost. In my case I got lost in a place called SIN, it was so dark in there full of needs you have to satisfy at all cost... I've been a prisoner of lust, I'm craving for things that I know were forbidden and as I commit myself to this earthly desires I fell into what they called as temptations.

Lack of time talking with God made me weak, my guilt for committing such sin started to eat the fire in me. I can't face HIM, repentance is something I'm not yet ready for all I could ever think of is...

...am I worthy of His forgiveness? If the next day I'd be doing the same mistake. I got tired of my own selfish drives that I fear God might be feeling the same thing. I felt pathetic and dirty, and talking to a Holy God is something I can't do not until today came.

After I don't know how long at last I opened and read the Bible and there it talks about forgiveness, that no matter how many times I commit sins God will be there ready to forgive me as long as I repent sincerely.

And I do! one of the reasons why I can't say say a single 'sorry', it's because I can't find the will to do so. But now, on my knees I regret every single sin I committed. I ask for forgiveness and there's this peace that comes within.

I may fall into temptations again but this time, I pray that God lend me strength to resist and win this battle together with Him.

Luke 17